Sunday, May 4, 2008

Now and Not When

So, I was sitting in church today and our pastor made a good point. To paraphrase, he said that when you are feeling really stressed, really anxious about life, a situation, money problems, your relationship with someone else - it is generally because you are overly focused on the me, me, me part. And if we take a brief moment to reach out to someone else with no other motive than to do something caring for someone else, that ultimately, some of the blah feeling starts to go away. Not just because you're no longer focusing on the problem/issue, but truly because you are practicing self-sacrifice and doing something nice just because. Makes sense, right?

Go back to three days ago. I was having a really tough day. I was having communication issues with my husband, my children were driving me insane, I wasn't getting half of what I wanted to get accomplished done around the house, with my business. I was feeling isolated from my friends, feeling like no one was reaching out to me. That it was always me calling to say hi, calling to make plans. And I got it. I knew it was my own issues making me feel this way. I knew that it had more to do with me than them. I also knew that the sun would rise again. But I never thought really to call myself selfish. I never really took the time to label myself that way. But you know - I was! I was so into my own little world and asking, who's doing for me!? what about me?!

And so the next day I woke up and decided to call some people I didn't ever really reach out to and just have a nice conversation. I wanted to connect. People who might have found themselves in my shoes - Kristie never really calls me. I'm always calling her. I felt better. I started to breathe and realize that my family was healthy & happy. My husband (for all that I wanted to kill him) loved me deeply and I likewise. I had great friends who after one phone call with me saying, "um, hi. I'm feeling lonely. Will you reach out to me...?" gave me big hugs and reassuring love ya's. It all started to fall into place when I stopped thinking about what I was going to get and focused on what I was going to give.

It doesn't happen often, but now I know that those blah feelings are really just me not fully realizing my now and all too much wrapped up into my should be, could be, why isn't it. Here's to now.

1 comment:

daisyjanie said...

Good on ya, KP. I know what you mean 100%. Sometimes I move so far within myself, that I don't leave myself accessible to be greeted or called or said hello to. It's physical and emotional.

good post!